Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
