I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
