my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
