Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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