yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
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