If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Why is your signature on my underwear?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Randomize