I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Randomize
