I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize