4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
