I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Randomize
