Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
