Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
