It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
