do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
