just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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