He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
