you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
