: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
