Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
