I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
