There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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