I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
