When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Randomize
