after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Randomize
