New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
