i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
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