I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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