Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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