We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
