I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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