I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
