i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
