I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
