I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
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