I must be too annoying 4 u.
Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
