after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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