I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
