Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
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