I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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