just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
