You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
