Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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