Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
