I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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