i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
