FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
