no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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