I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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