bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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