my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
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