i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
