i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
