I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
