I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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