She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize