just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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