I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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