Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
