so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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