If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Randomize
