just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize