Need sex. Gaining weight.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
sarcasm needs its own font
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
