as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
