This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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