you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
and she was petting her beer can
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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