Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
babies were throwing up all over the place
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize