I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
