Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
