She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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